For years women have been asking me some version of, "What should I do?" The situations range from "I haven't heard from him, should I call him?" to "I'm not getting what I need, should I tell him?"
The most important thing determining the answers to these questions is where they are answered from. On a practical, everyday basis, women have two options in relating to men: Adversaries or Partners. Each coming will yield different answers to the above questions and determine your behavior overall.
Power Adapters
In an adversarial relationship, men and women are on different sides. There is always a winner and a loser. In most places where you find dependency, you will find adversarial relationships. between children and their parents, between employees and employers, for example, and in any place that men and women are distinct they can't live without each other.
Power in an adversarial association is limited. One must always be involved with who has more. It's all about strategizing, maneuvering, and figuring out how to get what you need from the other. You have to be careful, concerned, smart and concealing. Plan your moves and don't give away your real feelings or intentions.
Women have inherited an adversarial association to men. About two million years of dependency has sealed it into our Dna, at least for the foreseeable future. Our adversarial association can be seen in all the expressions of popular culture, e.g. Books, films, television programming and radio shows; lawmaking and litigation; internet jokes and verbal gender bashing.
The fact that women are no longer dependent on men for food, shelter and security doesn't matter at the level of instinct. At the level of instinct, all men are possible attackers or protectors. We regularly assume the first until proven otherwise. It's the "all men are dangerous" instinctive concern that has women on guard most of the time, much to the dismay of good men, which would be the majority.
Instinct has us behave in a collection of delightful (tongue in cheek) ways. First we use manipulation, and if that doesn't get us what we need, we resort to emasculation. It's all about power. If we're not sure a man will use his power for our benefit, then we must reduce his power. We emasculate men down to safe levels - where they're handy but not threatening; the contemporary day equivalent of a eunuch.
In a paradigm of partnership, power behaves by different rules. Power is unlimited and unfixed. It can grow, and it can shrink. The more power you have, the more power I have. If we take care of each other, we're both better off. Being honest about our needs, looking out for the other guy, being kind and generous, giving and receiving hold and respect - these are all natural behaviors in a partnership.
Friend or Foe? Partner or Adversary? How are you going to retell to men?
If you pick "Partner", there are some things you will need to do.
· First, find out what is fair to expect from your partner. Expecting him to act like a woman will cause frequent disappointment and could absolutely send you right back to "foe".
· Second, learn how to retell in his language. Men speak and listen differently than women. You can complain about this or adapt. Adapting will make you more effective.
· Third, discover what you absolutely need from your partner and ask for it. Nobody can provide everything, so you have to prioritize. Ask for the most important things and anyone else is a bonus.
Meanwhile, here is a great guideline for figuring out what to do:
Ask yourself, "What would I do if he was my friend?"
This ask will plainly lead you to a partner-friendly write back and clear out the manipulative strategies you might have adopted.
Let's apply the ask to, "He hasn't called! What do I do?" A noted rule - born of manipulation - tells you to never call men. Funny, that's not what men think! Men tell us they like being called by women. It shows you care. It shows you like him too. It makes him feel like he has a partner! "What would I do if he was my friend?" would speedily lead you to development that call.
Men: Friends or Foes?Thanks To : Top10 Tablet Rackmount Shelves Server rack 19 inch
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